So after reading many posts around this topic, and witnessing people around me suffer the effects of this issue, I am putting it out there, and bringing Imposter Syndrome (IS) to the forefront.
For some, Imposter Syndrome is a thought that may have been sitting in the back of their minds for months, just waiting to pounce.
For others, Imposter Syndrome is as a much a part of your daily life as is buying a morning coffee from your favourite coffee shop.
Even though you may consider yourself as being a confident person, Imposter Syndrome may be an ever-present force in your life.
Imposter Syndrome is the belief that you are not qualified for a task, job, promotion or even parenthood, despite repeating evidence to the contrary, such as working hard, creating valuable experiences, having dedicated education, successfully growing your own business or raising great kids.
According to some of our Facebook friends, Imposter Syndrome is this constant feeling of phoniness, a feeling that you don’t deserve the compliments or the successes that you have received or been awarded, and often putting objective proof down to mere ‘luck’.
This is often accompanied by the feeling of fear, failure, a fake, and that one-day people will wake up and know you’re a fake, and that you will be ‘found out’.
Resoundingly, a common thread in most of your posts and messages allude to the fact that you/we/me/us actually don’t believe that what we have achieved in our life is worth celebrating or considered to be successful. We hold off telling others what we have achieved for fear of ‘grandstanding’ ourselves or subjecting ourselves to ‘tall poppy syndrome’.
We think that other women won’t want to hear our story, or that our story could be even be considered to be an inspiration to others.
There are many reasons why Imposter Syndrome is present for us, but what can we do about it? Well, as much as it is easier said than done, the first step to not feeling like an imposter is to stop thinking like one! Come on, you’ve got this!
Here are some quick steps to have you moving away from thinking like an Imposter, to moving towards thinking Positively and Adeptly.
1. Look For The Evidence That You Are A Fraud
Chances are, you don’t have any!
Challenge these unhelpful thoughts with some real-time resilience techniques such as “that’s not true because……”.
For example, the next time you have a negative thought pattern, challenge yourself with “that’s not true because I have done this work many times before and did it successfully!”.
2. Are You Falling Into The Trap Of Mindreading?
This is the belief that you know what other people are thinking.
Try ‘reframing’ statements to yourself such as, “the reason they asked me that question is because THEY may be unsure and they need my help. They are not challenging my knowledge of the topic.”
3. Recognise When You Are “Catastrophising”
Catastrophising is like a runaway train that runs express through every possible station.
Thoughts very quickly move from “I am feeling a little overwhelmed and should ask for clarity”, to “I shouldn’t be in this job, they will realise I shouldn’t be here, I will be fired, I won’t be able to pay my mortgage, the bank will repossess my home, no one will want to be in a relationship with me and I will die alone!”
All from a conversation that started from feeling a little overwhelmed!
Protect yourself, have a contingency thought plan in place. Having a bulletproof script up your sleeve and ready to go, will enable you to say to yourself “When X happens, I will think Y.”
For example, should I need to ask for clarity, I will think “that’s a sign I am taking initiative.”
4. Practice A Growth Mindset
A fixed mindset says, “this is it; this is all I’ve got!”
A growth mindset says,
“Anything is possible with a little hard work and a different thought process.”
5. Assume The Position You Want
If you want to be a great partner, mum, business owner or CEO – believe it, act it, own it, live it, breath it and see it. Visualisation is everything!
6. Acknowledge The Power Of Your Story!
“Own the power of your story, whatever it may be.”
Your story provides emotional depth, vividness and realness that allows people to connect to you and brings others along for the journey. Immersing yourself in the ‘story’ is also a great way to overcome the effects of Imposter Syndrome and those correlating rigid thought patterns.
Relaying a story assists you to ‘get out of your head’ and into the moment.
7. Exercise Empowerment
One of my all-time favourite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt.
Don’t give consent, be empowered. Listen to the song “I am Women”, by Helen Reddy.
8. Self-awareness, Self Management
Understand your triggers and be aware of the discomfort that comes with stepping outside of your comfort zone. The discomfort is not a threat, don’t withdraw from it or avoid it, lean into the discomfort, broaden your focus, see the situation from multiple perspectives and see it for what it is.
All with no hidden agenda.
9. Be Mindfully Curious
Be kind to yourself!
Be curious. Be open-minded. Be self-kind. Be non-self-judgmental. Be in the moment.
Observe your negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity.
Do practice self-compassion! Do know that you are not in isolation with this, Imposter syndrome is a shared human experience, something that other people experience too.
You are not alone.
10. Practice, Practice, Practice!
Remember how we think about a situation, or event, controls how we feel about it and we behave.
Recognise when you are thinking ‘Imposter Syndrome’ language and know YOU have control over it. It doesn’t have control over you!
If we are honest with ourselves, I think we all suffer from Imposter Syndrome at some point, perhaps the most important thing to remember is this.
We can’t ALL be imposters.
Isn’t it time that you/we/me/us stood up and believed that we aren’t one of them!
(Photo illustration by Franziska Barczyk)